I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
