Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
