hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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