my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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