I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
