i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
