my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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