my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
