OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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