did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
