I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
