Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
