he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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