hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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