I'm so fucking centered right now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
