I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Vodka?
Forever.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
