They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
