when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
