Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
