Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
