Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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