I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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