90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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