so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
