They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
