don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
