Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
