Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
