I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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