Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
