Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
