we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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