If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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