I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
