Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
