worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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