You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
