Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
