I accidentally had phone sex last night
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
