i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
