I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
