you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
