I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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