wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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