have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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