That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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