We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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