The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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