"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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