I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
