Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
