is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
