It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
