The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
