my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
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