Im at strip club and am horny
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
