i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
