i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
worst night to have a conscience
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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