That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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