I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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