did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is Oprah even human
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
