I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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