So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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