We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
