we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
