Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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