She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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