Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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