Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
