just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
