i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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