my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
