Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
